sacred sexuality

5 ways to bring in a little Tantric Energy into your lovemaking (together or solo)

sacred sexuality

Slowing Down:
So this first technique is about slowing down physically- taking your time with each kind of touch and drawing out the types of touch you are giving or receiving.
But also slowing down means taking time to explore each phase of arousal, starting with connection (if alone, with connection to yourself & your body)
Looking in each-others eyes, holding hands, embracing with movement – for instance long strokes down the back or the limbs (important also if just with yourself).
This embrace is a different kind of touch, rather than just cuddling, which is so very
important to us as mammals but can stop the arousal process in long term couples.
Cuddling is the cosy, easy comfort zone we often experience after sex, however let’s not default to going straight to cuddling all the time, missing out on the sexual pleasure itself!
Take your time to touch each other’s (or your own) head, hair, faces, neck, arms, torso, buttocks and legs before you start on the more ‘sexual’ kinds of touch, holding off from just zooming in on the genitals straight away.
It sounds glib but really, when it comes down to it, many times we just snog a bit and go straight for the genitals which limits the amount of arousal and desire we can build.
Just because you’re horny/ feel life sex does not mean you are already aroused! Take your time, the longer the arousal time the better the sensation especially in pussy owners. Once again, this is also for solo play.

And also, just because you’re not horny doesn’t mean you don’t want to be and won’t be so very soon…. with the right kind of touch that brings you into focus and settles your nervous system.
SO…. take your time! Then, of course, after a while when the connection and heat is
building, go for the kissing, genital stimulation and all that good stuff- but keep it slow, present and keep. taking. your. time.

Breathe Towards Sensation:
Imagine that there is a conduit from your nose that brings your breath in and right down to where you are feeling pleasure. Breathe down into sensation. Over and over. Where your focus is directed, energy will flow and build in intensity. This is how the simple practice of mindfulness is a powerful tool in love making/ self love.
As you focus on the experience IN your body of the sensations of pleasure, these
sensations themselves become more tangible, more powerful and reveal subtleties you easily miss when letting your mind wander elsewhere. Let the breath lead you back to sensation, every moment.
Breathing is absolutely critical to an expanded orgasmic experience.
This is a practice that builds in time as your mind becomes more efficient at concentrating on sensation.
Sensation is an experience of the present moment as it is right now in the body.
This is an excellent way to get out of the head during sex which is a very common habit and sexual response killer.

Expanding Sensation
So at first you will need to use your imagination as the tool for this technique. Visualise or imagine you feel your sensation physically expanding, with your breath breathing into the sensation, as above, if that helps.
Or you can imagine or feel the energy building with what ever movements or actions
you are receiving or giving.
If you are feeling a delicious sensation in your pelvis somewhere, see if you can expand and direct that down your inner thighs, or all the way to your feet. Or perhaps, if you are alone or in a relationship where loving connection is appropriate and encouraged, see if you can expand and move that pleasure sensation up to your heart area.
This is all done with imagination at first until you have trained your brain to just feel the energy by default and are able to control the movement of the energy with your intent.
This is brain plasticity at work!

Sounding On the Out Breath:
Making noises is a beautiful, natural part of sex that we have had to repress so often,
there is so much shame in our culture of been ‘heard’ experiencing pleasure.
And then to twist this further we are fed the fake noises of pleasure in porn and often we can feel judged if our natural sound making is different or if we are not making enough noise.
Natural sex sounds are a physiological response to exertion, and while these are great
and shouldn’t be stifled, they are not so much what I am talking about here in this guide towards a more tantric style of sex.
The sounds I mean here are more your long, drawn out sounds, deep in register,
guttural, nasal or breathy sounds that extend the out breath to be a lot longer than the in-breath.
Often, especially when they are coming from the space of deep vaginal pleasure, they are not ‘pretty’ sounds, and can be likened to a cow giving birth 🙂
The sounds can be ‘allowed’ to happen spontaneously or made with intent, but either way they help us, once again, focus and get into what is happening IN our bodies in the present moment.
But wait, there’s more!
Sounding truly helps the nervous system settle, gets us out of the cortical or thinking
mind ( that part of our brain that endlessly loops our thoughts, whether interesting, useful or not) and hence making sounds in sex helps our attention move towards our pleasure and to amplify sensation. As I said above, breathing is absolutely critical to an expanded orgasmic experience.
Breathing fuels the sounds and amplifies the sexual energy.
And if you use breath with sound as a more of an intentional breathing practice- say you breathe deeply in and then sound out with a long hummmmmm, over and over, after some time the cortical mind will take the backseat and our unconscious mind is allowed in.
(Do be careful as this can be a kind of hyperventilation, there are some contraindications-ask me why if you like)
When the thinking mind checks out it can make for some pretty powerful and intense love making where you feel like you are fusing your energy with your partner, or with your pleasure, or both, or with something much bigger, universal and divine, perhaps even the Goddess herself if that’s where it takes you 😉

Movement:
Our spine is a huge part of our sexual response. Many (but not all) of the nerves through which sensory information from the genitals is transmitted to the brain, run through the spine. It is in the brain where this ‘data’ is felt as pleasure ( orgasm happens in the brain not the genitals)
Electrical energy runs through our spinal cord through the cerebrospinal fluids. The nervous system is both electric and chemical- and is a conduit for sexual energy.
In Yoga, and Tantra, the energy of the spine is a potential, sacred life force energy. The locus of this Kundalini energy is the sacrum, the lowest part of the spine. It can be released by, amongst other things such as a practice of breath work, yoga & meditation, the pumping action of the sacrum.
This pumping action of the sacrum is, obviously, quite a common movement in sex, especially for men, but also for women in some sexual positions ( think squatting on top of a prone man/penis/ penis shaped object)
Experiment with slowing down the pumping movement, be really aware of the
undulating movement of your spine and see what you feel!

They say a penis is actually three feet long as it connects via nerves to the whole spine- penis owners can try penetrating deeply feeling as if the whole of your spine in connected to your penis -see how you go!
For women and pussy owners especially, hip movements can enhance sensation and
build arousal in a really significant way. When there is a penis or wand/ dildo or jade egg resting quite still -without movement- inside the vagina, a slight wiggle of the hip bones, back and forward, can be quite sensational, literally.
Larger hip movements, like seen in belly dancing, can build the heat and intensity of
sexual energy, especially when practiced for sometime. As can spinal undulations standing, sitting or on your hands and knees.
Pre-sex dance party, anyone?
Lastly the muscles of the pelvic floor – in all genders, can be accessed for greater pleasure, to direct and build energy, to help with edging and to assist not finishing too quick in penis owners.
(The longer the love making, the more sexual energy is activated, and greater depth of pleasure can be accessed)
In yoga, bandhas are the term for energy locks- the lowest lock is known as mula bandha, the root seal.
Squeezing and releasing the vaginal walls in pussy owners can enhance sensation, energy and in time help with becoming multi orgasmic. Squeezing just below the cervix is super effective, but to start with any squeeze is good progress. It takes time and specific exercises to build this connection to your brain.
Similarly in penis owners the perineum can build and direct sexual energy upwards in an immediate way. See if you can feel the energy rise up the spine or move from one energetic area to another.
If a penis owner learns to wiggle his penis side to side using his pelvic muscles he is on his way to mastering multiple, non ejaculatory orgasms.
And yay for THAT bit of MAGIC.

So that’s my 5 not at all brief tips to get you started on a more ENERGY based kind of
lovemaking, epic sex sessions, fucking, self pleasure or whatever it is you are up to.


This guide is like Sacred Sex 101 without a whole lot of the spiritual aspect. I also love (and teach) a deeper understanding of Tantra, but only to those who seek it. So this guide is so that the rest of you don’t miss out as bringing the above into your life can really deepen your pleasure and connection.
Much of this can be adapted for sex that is not PIV (penis in vagina) based pleasure for those that don’t, won’t or can’t do that. It’s all good! Pleasure is for everyone.
If you don’t know how to adapt some of the above to the way you have sex, just ask me.
I teach couples and individuals how to access greater energy, pleasure, enjoyment,
arousal, intimacy, desire for and connection through sex which has a fabulous side effect of making you feel more vital, energised and present in your own body.

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